Chapter 1: Getting Started

Giles looked at the group of young people chatting animatedly over breakfast. It had been six weeks since the Hellmouth in Sunnydale had been sealed for good. The survivors were still mourning the loss of those who gave their lives in that battle, but they were beginning to recover some of their old spirit and energy.

Now he needed to begin recovery of a different kind. The First’s agent had destroyed the Watcher’s Council, inside the Council Headquarters. Giles had managed to ‘appropriate’ several texts and other materials related to the First prior to the explosion. But many of their invaluable research materials were destroyed. Now, with all of the new Slayers, and only a handful of Watchers to help them, it was up to him to try to replace those lost materials as best he could.

And he needed Buffy’s help with part of that. He knew that it might be difficult for her to speak about, especially with him, and especially now. But he felt that it was important to get it down now, while it was still fresh in her mind.

He wanted to complete the history of William the Bloody.

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“Buffy, could I please speak with you for a moment?”

Buffy turned away from the sink where she was rinsing her breakfast dishes.

“Sure, Giles. What’s up?”

“Well, a-a-as you know, with the Council gone, and needing to train all of these new Slayers, I-I feel it’s important to make sure that our materials are as complete a-and up to date as we can possibly make them. Do you agree?”

“Yeah. You’re like The Watcher now, Giles. And you’re research guy, so if you say we need more stuff for research, then I’m with you.”

“Good, because, as the Slayer for the past seven years you hold a great deal of information that we need to update our files and records. So, shall we meet for lunch, say, e-eleven-thirty at that little bistro you like so much?”

“Okay, eleven-thirty. See you then. I’m gonna go train with the girls.”

******************************

“Okay, and will that be all?”

“Yes, thank you.”

“Okay, I’ll put these orders in and I’ll have your drinks out in just a moment.”

As the waitress left their table Buffy looked at Giles.

“So, what information do you need to know Giles? The apocalypses? What happens when a Slayer dies? What happens when a Slayer comes back? The demons? The Master Vampires? What it’s like to fight a Hell God? What do you need to update your research?” Buffy smiled cheekily at Giles. “Lighten up, I’m just kidding. Sort of.”

The waitress returned and put their drinks down.

“Your food will be out in just a few minutes.”

“Thanks.” Buffy smiled politely at the waitress who smiled back and then left.

Giles took a sip of his scotch and cleared his throat. Then he placed a small tape recorder on the table and looked at Buffy.

“I need to write the end of the story of William the Bloody.”

Chapter 2: Coming Back

“Why now, Giles?” Buffy asked.

“Because, after what happened I think that it is important to update his story. And I think that we should do it now, while it’s still fresh in your mind.”

“The memories aren’t going anywhere, Giles.” Buffy pinned him with a meaningful look.

“No, of course not. And I’m not suggesting that you will forget him or what he did, but details, even ones that sometimes seem insignificant, can often turn out to be quite important. Unfortunately, they are also the very things that are most easily forgotten over time.

“Now, I’m sure that you never thought you’d hear these words from my mouth, but I think that Spike’s story needs to be told. I believe that the new Slayers, and the ones who will come after them, need to hear it. And since he’s not here, you are the person best qualified to tell his story.”

He leaned forward and put his hand over Buffy’s hand.

“After all, you believed in him when no one else did. And your trust in him proved to be quite well founded. You are the only person who can tell the rest of his story.”

Buffy nodded, unable to keep the tears from sliding down her cheeks.

“Okay, you’re right. People should know about Spike. It’s not always pretty, but in the end he made the right choices. What do you want to know?”

“Well, I had already updated through the fight with Glory, his participation in it, and his reaction to your uh- well..”

“My death, Giles.” Buffy prodded gently. “You can say it. I was there.”

“I know, it’s just a dif-difficult subject.” He pulled his glasses off and began cleaning them.

He put his glasses back on and cleared his throat.

“So, perhaps you could begin with when you came back. I noticed when I returned that you and Spike already seemed to have a-a comfortable camaraderie, even while your demeanor with the others seemed to be a-almost forced cheerfulness. At the time I put it down to post-traumatic stress. But of course that wasn’t it.”

“No, when I first came back, I was afraid to tell anyone where I’d really been. I was afraid that they’d all feel so guilty that they’d just be falling all over themselves, and me, trying to make me feel better. I didn’t want that. I didn’t want to deal with that. It was too much. I just wanted quiet, and I thought that if they thought I was okay, they’d leave me alone a little more.

“But I couldn’t keep it to myself; I had to talk to someone. Spike could see something was wrong, he asked if I wanted to talk about it. He’d been dead and come back, and he wasn’t one of the people who’d torn me out of Heaven. So, I told him. I told him they could never know, and he kept my secret.”

She shook her head slightly.

“It wasn’t just because he loved me, though. It was also because he felt guilty about my death. He felt like he’d failed me. You know the night I came back, I asked him how long I’d been gone and do you know what his answer was?”

Giles shook his head.

“A hundred and forty-seven days. Not almost four months, not a little over three months, it was a hundred and forty-seven days. Later he told me that he wanted me to know that he did save me, not when it counted, but every night since then.”

She looked at Giles, “Did you guys know that he felt responsible for my death? That the guilt was eating him up?”

Giles shook his head again.

“No, we all felt terrible, we all felt guilty.”

She nodded. “Well, I guess between the fact the he was in love with me and the guilt he was feeling, he decided to take it upon himself to be my guardian, my savior. He just kept showing up, or just being there, whenever I needed someone to talk to.”

“He showed up at my house the night you came back. Made me smile. He was the only one at that point who could get a smile out of me. Then after the supergeeks started messing with my life, with the evil lint, and getting me fired because of the demons at Xander's construction site, and the evil Mummy hand loop-de-loop, he listened to me whine, and let me steal his alcohol.”

Giles gave her an exasperated look.

She snickered and rolled her eyes.

“Okay, the getting drunk part wasn’t so great, but it felt good to have somebody listen to me and say ‘you’re right, that sucks, let’s go find out who’s messing with you and kick their ass’. Of course he said it with an accent and alot more British slang, but it was still nice.”

The waitress returned with their food and they ate while they continued their conversation.

“I just got to be more comfortable around Spike than around the rest of you. All of you were being so nice, and you were worried about me, but you also obviously didn’t want to be worried about me. You know? You wanted me to figure out what I was going to do, go back to school or get a job, then settle down, be Dawn’s guardian, be the Slayer, go back to the way things were, and just be grateful that I wasn’t stuck in some Hell dimension anymore.

“The problem was, I wasn’t grateful, I was miserable, and I didn’t know what I wanted to do, or how to do it. And I wasn’t sure how to tell you guys what was wrong, so I kept trying to pretend that everything was okay so you wouldn’t worry. But with Spike, I didn’t have to pretend. He knew things weren’t okay, and he knew why, and even though he worried, he was as good at hiding it as I was at hiding the fact that I’d been in Heaven.”

Giles shook his head as he thought about those months. He’d been so frustrated with his Slayer for not taking her responsibilities seriously, and even after finding out where she’d been, he’d still believed that what she really needed was to stand on her own. Of course he hadn’t really listened to her when she tried to tell him that she needed him, he hadn’t really wanted to. It had all been too much for him to bear.

Seeing her die a second time and then burying her had been terribly hard for him. Watching her come back, unattached, showing little interest in anyone or anything, had been painful for him. Finding out that she had been torn out of Heaven, and as a result no longer found any joy, or purpose, in life had been the final straw. He believed she had given up on life and couldn’t bear to watch it.

But, apparently Spike had not given up on her. He had continued trying to get through to her, had even managed to make her smile when no one else could; he’d done something to lift her spirits, however slightly, when the rest of her friends had been making demands on her.

It was really no surprise that things had gone so dramatically wrong that year.

“He even showed up on patrol sometimes,” Buffy continued. “ You know, it’s kind of weird, I didn’t really think about it too much, but in high school, even in college, especially when my mom got sick, I had alot of help on patrol. Alot of times Willow and Xander would come along, or Angel would show up, then Faith was around, then Riley.

“But last year, I patrolled alone almost every night. Once in a while Spike would help, but he was the only one, no one else ever showed up. That might be another reason that we fell into that pattern. I could talk to him away from everyone, because no one was out there with me anymore. It was just the two of us.”

She fell silent for a moment as she ate.

Giles took the time to eat a few bites of his food while he thought about what she said. It was true. While she frequently patrolled alone, she did often have help from her friends and boyfriends, but that year, he could not remember patrolling with her, or seeing any of her friends patrol with her. He assumed that she probably discouraged it, given her tendency to want to be alone after her return.

“I never asked anyone to patrol with me, and to be honest, it was easier to patrol without worrying about them, but it was still sort of new, you know. That they didn’t patrol with me even once. And that just left that many more opportunities for running into Spike.”

She shrugged, then continued.

“Anyway, we were getting along really well; I could talk to him easier than anyone else. I could say anything, and even if I kind of hurt his feelings, he wouldn’t say anything. He’d just let me get it out. He didn’t let me know if he took things personally, you know.”

Giles was pretty sure he did know. He had seen the way she treated the vampire in the past, and the way he had still remained loyal to her, even in the face of Glory’s torture and Buffy’s death.

“But then Xander summoned that musical demon,” She spat the words out. “ and everything went to hell.”

Giles recalled some of the unpleasant truths that were revealed during that spell. Then he remembered Buffy reminding Spike that he sang something about wanting her to stay away from him.

“Buffy, wh-what did Spike sing to you?”

She sighed.

“He sang about how hard it was for him to be with me when all I wanted was to talk to him, tell him things I couldn’t tell my friends. He sang that he loved me, but I wouldn’t let him ‘rest in peace’. He sang that he wanted me to stay away until I was ready to ‘misbehave’. That was pretty much when everything between us started going wrong.

“The one person I thought I could count on to not put any pressure on me suddenly tells me that unless I’m ready to start sleeping with him, he doesn’t really want me around. I was so hurt and angry. Then I let the cat out of the bag about Heaven. All in all, not my favorite night.”

She laughed sadly, and Giles chuckled bitterly at the memory. That night was not one of his favorites either.

“That was the first time I kissed him, you know.”

Giles looked at her in shock.

“I..uh..seem to recall several er..um..”

“First real kiss, Giles, not engagement-spell kissing. And not ‘thank you for protecting my sister’ kissing. I just wanted to feel something, something real. And Spike was there, and his feelings were real. No matter how much I pretended that his feelings weren’t real, that musical demon did one thing. He made us tell the truth. And one thing that Spike kept singing in his song, besides the fact that he wanted to sleep with me, was that he loved me. It was real, so I kissed him.”

Giles was surprised. He hadn’t realized that their relationship had begun right under his nose. He had assumed that they had begun after he had left to return to England, but apparently they had already taken the first steps in that direction even before he had told Buffy of his decision.

“Then he wanted to talk about it, but I was being avoido-girl, and then Willow’s little forget-me spell made us both forget for a while. But it all came back. And then I had to deal with you leaving.”

She paused before telling him what she’d been needing to say for over a year.

“You were wrong, you know.” She told him pointedly. “When you said you taught me everything about being a Slayer. You didn’t teach me how to do it all alone. You told me about Slayers who fought Master Vampires, Slayers who forged their own weapons, Slayers who fought all kinds of evil, but you never told me about Slayers who answered their calling without a Watcher to guide them.

“And you never told me about Slayers who had to fulfill their sacred duty while holding down a day job, paying a mortgage, raising a kid, and keeping Social Services off their backs.”

She smiled sadly at him.

“I know that when you’re training a Slayer, it’s a sink or swim kind of thing. You take her out to the cemetery, you set her down on a fresh grave, you give her a stake, and you wait for the vamp to rise, then she either stakes him, or he bites her, but...” she trailed off.

She paused as if thinking about what to say next.

“You know what it was like? Not just you leaving, but the whole year, it was like Titanic. You know how after the ship starts sinking there are all those people in the water screaming for help, but no one is coming to get them. Well, that was me, Willow, and Dawn. We were all drowning, and no one could help us.

“Then there were those people inside who were pretending nothing was wrong, they weren’t wearing their life vests, and they were trying to order drinks, all while the ship is sinking. That was Xander and Anya. Everyone around them is floundering, everything is going wrong, they are about to go down, too, but they’re pretending nothing’s wrong. They still ended up there with us.

“And Tara, she was like the guy who designed the ship; the first one to figure out that something was wrong and there wasn’t really any way to fix it. That the only thing to do was try to find some way to just deal with it. And hope that some us come through it okay. And she didn’t make it out, either.”

Tears welled up in Buffy’s eyes at the thought of the friend she’d lost, but she brushed them away.

“Then there was that Ismay guy. You know, the one who told everybody the ship was unsinkable, everything would be fine? He helped out a little bit, and then he just got onto one of the lifeboats and left. That would be you.”

Giles’ eyes flicked to the tabletop, he couldn’t look her in the eye, because she was right. She had been his responsibility and he had failed her. After accusing her of failing in her responsibilities.

“Then you came back later, like that guy at the end of the movie who brought the lifeboat back to save the few people who survived, but by then, it was almost too late.”

“What about Spike?”

“Hmmm. I guess Spike would be kind of like the crew. Trying to do the right thing alot of the time, or at least what he thought was the right thing. And trying to help some of us. But also making some pretty big mistakes, too, the kind that could really hurt people. Some really good, and some pretty bad, but he doesn‘t really fit into any one role.”

Giles considered everything she had said.

“Actually, I believe that’s an accurate metaphor for what you all went through that year and my own behavior as well. And you’re right. I didn’t handle the situation as well as I could have.

“Although, you do seem to have matured considerably, so some good has come of it.”

“Yeah, eventually. And you’re right, things are better now. But the night you left, I ended up kissing Spike again. Every time things got tough, I ended up macking on Spike.

“Then one night it got to be too much and I punched him. Then he hit me back. I don’t even know why, with the chip and everything. He never used to hit back. But I guess he forgot, and just reacted. I don’t think I had hit him since the whole chaining me in his crypt creepiness. Anyway, he found out that he could hit me without the chip firing.”

“WHAT!?”

“Giles, calm down. I had Tara research it. It turns out that the spell Willow used to bring me back altered my molecular structure just enough that Spike’s chip didn’t recognize me as human.”

“Dear Lord. Do you mean to tell me that he was able to harm you even before you had the chip removed and you didn’t tell me?”

“Giles, I didn’t tell anyone. At first, I thought something was wrong with me, Spike even said that I must have come back wrong. I mean he couldn’t hit anyone else, only me. I sure felt wrong, and I thought that the fact that he could hit me just proved that. Then I realized that he wasn’t going to hurt me, not really. Nothing I didn’t want at least. So, I didn’t tell anyone.”

She noticed Giles’ telltale blush as he cleaned his glasses yet again. She smirked, in a fashion somewhat reminiscent of the man they were discussing.

“You know, Giles, I won’t go into graphic details, but if we’re going to talk about my relationship with Spike, you might want to stop cleaning your glasses every time I say something shocking. Because I have a feeling you might end up polishing them into a powder.”

Giles cleared his throat again and looked back at Buffy.

She smiled, “We’re both adults, right?”

He nodded.

“Okay, well after Spike realized that he could hurt me, he cornered me, then goaded me into a fight, hit me, told me I came back wrong, and we got into a knock-down, drag-out fight. The kind of fight we used to have before he got the chip, only better, because we weren’t trying to kill each other. We were getting stuff out. You know? The crap I couldn’t unload on anyone else because they weren’t strong enough to take it, and the crap he couldn’t take out on anyone else because he couldn’t hurt humans. We could both dish it out and take it in a way no one else could, and I ended up kissing him again, only this time I didn’t stop with kissing.”

Giles coughed and tried to cover it up by taking a quick gulp of scotch.

Buffy shook her head sadly.

“After that things went from bad to worse. I’m done here.” She said gesturing to her empty plate. “Can we go?”

Giles nodded and motioned to the waitress for the bill.

Buffy waited quietly while Giles paid the bill.

“Let’s head over to the park. I could use some fresh air. Then I can tell you the next part of the story.”

Chapter 3: From Bad To Worse

As they walked from the bistro, Buffy thought about how to say what she wanted to say.

“I don’t think you’ll ever really understand what it was like last year, Giles. I was in the worst place I’ve ever been.

“It wasn’t any one thing. It wasn’t just losing Heaven, or losing Mom, or having to raise Dawn, or the money problems, or being the sole source of income, even though there were two other people in the house who could have worked. It wasn’t just the fact that I had to work all day and all night and still do the dishes and take out the trash. It was all of it.

“And I couldn’t take it out on anyone, not even the resident evil. They weren’t really causing that much trouble. The biggest trouble last year came from three obnoxious humans. And I couldn’t beat them up too badly, because if I did then I might kill them, and that was against the rules.

“I couldn’t take it out on my friends. They needed me. And they got their feelings hurt if I got cranky with them. If I really told them how I felt, then what would happen? Besides, I couldn’t actually hit them, either. But with all the pent up anger and hostility I had built up, I had to do something.

“So, who was left? Spike. My willing slave.”

She shuddered.

“He told me that; the night he sang to me. And that’s how I used him. My slave, my punching bag, my sex toy.

“He also called himself my ‘whipping boy’. That’s true, too. I remember that from history class. That’s the kid in a castle who got whipped whenever the prince got in trouble, so that the prince never got whipped, right?”

Giles nodded.

“So, he was a whipping boy. He got all the beatings nobody else could take.”

Buffy choked back a sob. She walked over to a park bench and sat down.

“I was so horrible to him, Giles. Every horrible thing that the guys I’ve slept with did to me, I did to him. Angelus used my love for Angel to suit his own purposes, but he also hated me for making him feel like a man. And I used Spike’s love for me to suit my own needs, but I hated him for making me want him.

“Parker used me for sex, then treated me like I was nothing, then I did the same thing to Spike, not once, but over and over again.

“And Riley told me that my feelings for him weren’t good enough. That they weren’t what he needed. That I didn’t love him. I told Spike that he didn’t love me, wasn’t capable of loving me”

She laughed bitterly.

“I kept telling him that he couldn’t love me because he didn’t have a soul. Even though he and Drusilla both told me that they could love without souls, I refused to believe it. After all, you and Angel told me that vampires couldn’t love without their souls, and Angelus didn’t love me, so of course that had to mean that all vampires were incapable of love without their souls.

“Of course, if I admitted that a soulless demon could love me, then what did that say about me. If I could do the things I did to him, if I could use his love for me that way, twist it around like that, then what did that say about me, about my soul?”

She swiped at the tears falling down her cheeks.

“And the way that I abused him. He did the same thing Dawn did. He tried to stop me from turning myself in for a murder that I didn’t commit. He was even there, so he knew it was an accident. But instead of talking to him, I beat him senseless and left him lying there, in a filthy alley, unable to move.

“What kind of person does that, Giles?”

Giles just shook his head. He didn’t have an answer for her.

“You know, he may have been a vampire, but I was the monster in that relationship. But, he let me do those things to him. I guess part of it was because he still thought that he was helping me, and part of it was because he was in love with me and he was willing to take me any way he could get me.

“Then after all of that, I dumped him. Riley and his perfect wife came into town and showed me what I thought I wanted, perfect little marriage, perfect little life. Then Riley found me in Spike’s crypt and told me that Spike had these dangerous demon eggs that he was supposedly going to sell to some foreign power for some super army. It didn’t really sound like Spike, but he did have the eggs. I didn’t know what to think, I was just confused. So I decided to believe Riley. And I told Spike I couldn’t love him, and that I was using him and it was killing me, then I walked out.

“But he still told me he was happy to see me happy at Xander and Anya’s not-wedding. He helped Xander track down that psycho-trip demon to help my friends find a cure for me.

“He still showed up from time to time to help me on patrol. He was still around.

“But I finally pushed him too far. I accused him of spying on me and told him I didn’t believe he loved me, that it was all in his mind. and I told him to find someone else. He went to ask Anya for a spell to help him get rid of his feelings for me and he ended up sleeping with her, because she was hurting, too. But, he felt bad that I found out about it. He never meant for me to find out. He wasn’t trying to hurt me, or make me jealous. I mean how soulless is that? Feeling guilty because he hurt my feelings by doing exactly what I told him to do, moving on?”

She looked at Giles.

He shrugged.

“I’ve actually never heard of a vampire expressing guilt or remorse over anything, well except for Angel, until Spike. And he is certainly the first vampire I have ever heard of to express those emotions without a soul.”

Buffy smiled despite her tears, “Yeah, well Spike always was kind of weird. But, he never just gave up, or just walked away, not until...”

She stood up, “I think I might need to be moving to tell you this next part, it’s going to be tough.”

She began walking as Giles kept pace beside her.

She took a deep breath.

“Okay, I don’t remember everything that happened that night. I know I blocked some of it out, some of it just blurred together, but here’s the story. I was in the bathroom about to take a hot bath because a vamp I’d fought had kicked me into a headstone, major bruising. Spike came in and asked if I was okay, then apologized. I pretty much threw his apology back in his face.

“Then he told me that he wasn’t trying to hurt me, he wanted to make the feelings go away, and told me I should have let Xander kill him. When I told him I couldn’t do that, he tried to convince me that it was because I loved him. I told him I had feelings, but didn’t love him, because I couldn’t trust him. He told me trust was for old marrieds, that great love burned and consumed, Then I said something about that kind of love not lasting.

“That’s when he started trying to kiss me, I tried to get away, but he wouldn’t let go, and we ended up on the floor. He kept telling me that he knew I loved him, that I felt it when he was inside me and I’d feel it again. I screamed at him to stop, but by then he was so far gone, I don’t think he even heard me.

“I finally got some leverage and kicked him off of me; and the look on his face... Giles, I have never seen him look so horrified. He looked sick. I wouldn’t let myself see it at the time, but I didn’t not see it either. I don’t know who was more upset that night, him or me. That‘s when he left, to go get his soul back.”

Giles handed her his handkerchief. She wiped her eyes and clutched it in her hand, knowing that she was not yet finished with it.

“I have never bought the ‘she was asking for it’ defense, Giles, but I wasn‘t just an innocent victim either.

“For months I taught him that, if he tried to be sweet and gentle I’d just laugh at him, or punch him, unless I asked him to be sweet. If he really wanted to get me hot, violence and aggression were surefire ways to turn me on.

“I also sent him confusing mixed messages. I was usually the one who started stuff in our thing, but a few months earlier, he started something with me at The Bronze. I told him ‘Don’t’, he said ‘Stop me.’ But, I didn’t. I pretty much let him know that, with me at least, ‘no’ didn’t always mean ‘no’.

“I told him I didn’t like him, but I still kept going back to him. I told him I didn’t trust him, but I let him...do things... that proved I kind of did. I told him to find someone else, but I got hurt when he did. I kept telling him one thing, then doing something else.

“So, I can’t put all the blame on Spike for what happened that night. There was so much confusion and badness last year, and alot of it came from me, so I have to share some of the blame.

“But, Spike never blamed me for any of it. He took all of it on himself. He knew that he hurt me that night. That was the one thing he didn’t want to do. Even when he found out the chip didn’t work on me anymore, he still didn’t want to hurt me. Fight with me, yeah, but not hurt me.

“And the guilt he felt over what he almost did drove him to get his soul. He wanted to be the kind of man who would never try to do that again. He tried so hard, before and after the soul. He tried so hard to be what I wanted, what I needed. And I made it so hard for him.”

She sat down on another bench, sobbing into the handkerchief.

“He forgave me for everything, Giles. He forgave me for all the beatings, all the things I said. Even before he got his soul, he never held it over my head, or used it as a weapon to hurt me when I made him angry, or let anyone know that I was the one who was hurting him.

“But when he came back, I flinched away from him every time he touched me. I used that one mistake to punish him, and I laid on the guilt for weeks.

“So, tell me, Giles, which of us was the bigger person?”

Giles sat down next to her and put his arm around her shoulder. He didn’t have an answer for her. Spike flew in the face of everything they had ever been told about vampires.

Vampires cannot love.

Vampires do not feel guilt

Vampires are incapable of feeling sympathy.

Vampires do not feel shame.

And of course, the lesson they had all learned quite well under the expert tutelage of Angelus, no vampire, under any circumstances, desires to have their soul returned.

Yet, Spike was the exception to every one of these rules.

This of course was the reason why he needed so desperately to write the final chapter of the unlife of William the Bloody.

He looked at his sobbing Slayer. He also knew that she needed to tell this story. She’d kept it to herself for far too long.

Chapter 4: Looking Up

Buffy sobbed quietly for a few minutes, and then she wiped her eyes and pulled herself together. She needed to tell Giles the rest of the story.

She took a deep breath and collected her thoughts about the previous fall.

“After you took Willow back to England, things started getting better. Dawn and I kind of got our lives back on track. Xander had plenty to keep him busy with the new high school. And Anya was busy getting her vengeance on again. But, I missed Spike. I wouldn’t admit it, not even really to myself, but I did.”

She looked at Giles with a small smile on her face.

“Nobody would have believed me if I’d told them. I wouldn’t have believed anyone if they’d told me I missed him. But when I saw him in the school basement that fist day of school, I was so relieved to see him and that he was real. That’s when I realized that I had actually been thinking about him before then.

“And he was so wrong, Giles. That cocky, snarky vampire was suddenly quiet and scared. He was so...fragile. And believe me, that’s not a word I ever thought I’d use to describe Spike.”

Giles shook his head.

“No, I can’t imagine it either. Even after your death and his obvious grief, fragile is still not a word I can imagine using to describe Spike.”

Buffy suddenly giggled, “He wouldn’t like it either. I can hear him now, ‘Take that back! I’m not bloody fragile, Slayer.’”

Giles chuckled. “You’re right. But, dear, please don’t ever try to do a British accent again. I beg you.”

Buffy laughed, “Oh, all right. But, my accent’s still better than Spike’s American accent. Now that was bad.”

Giles had only heard tales of Spikes attempt at an American accent, he had given up the pretense by the second time Riley had found him with the Scoobies, but the young people had found it quite amusing.

Buffy sighed, thinking about Spike and all the little things she missed.

“Anyway, after I left him in the basement, I decided not to mention him to anyone. For starters, considering all the weird stuff going on down there, I wasn’t totally sure he was real. But, if he was, I didn’t want Xander and Dawn going all Terminator and trying to dust him. They were still so mad at him.

“So, I kept it quiet, but then the next week, he showed up to help me, because he knew that something big was coming. He kept trying to pretend that he was ‘old Spike’, but he kept slipping.

“Then after he accidentally hurt this guy Anya turned into a demon, but then changed back, he lost it and took off. I found him in an old church and that’s when I found out that he had his soul.”

She shivered at the memory of his painful ramblings and the smell of his flesh burning on the cross.

“But, I wasn’t sure how to deal with him. He was in the basement, alone, dealing with his guilt, listening to the First. He didn’t know what was real and what wasn’t. He was talking to invisible people. He wanted to help, but he wasn’t in any shape to offer much real help. So, I got him out of there. I convinced Xander to let him move in.”

She shook her and smiled.

“Then something happened that I never thought I’d see, Xander and Spike not only formed a truce, they started getting along. I mean, not at first, but when we were all under the influence of that evil jacket, they worked together to solve the problem. When we found out that Spike was killing again, at first, Xander believed Spike could have gone evil again. But, after everything that happened, Anya wanted to stake Spike and tried to get Xander to back her up, but he wouldn’t. Xander was even the one who figured out that Spike was being triggered, not acting of his own free will. And when the Bringers attacked, and took Spike, Xander was the one beside me when I ran to the basement to see if he was still there.

“Then after we got Spike back and that demon chick caught Xander, Spike was right there helping me help Xander, no comments about the whelp and his demon birds, or anything. And when we were in the vineyard and Caleb attacked Xander, Spike was the one who went back and got Xander and got him out of there. I don’t know if it was more because of Spike’s soul or Xander growing up, or both, but it made things alot easier for me, not having to stop those two from killing each other every five minutes.”

She noticed Giles stiffen and knew why, but she decided not to mention anything yet.

“It was after I got him to Xander’s that we found out that he was killing again. I found out from one of the vamps he sired. When I confronted him, he didn’t know what I was talking about. Then he had some sort of flashback of some girl he met at The Bronze, so he went there to try and find out more about her and ran into one of his minions. Then he started remembering more. So, he called me and asked me to meet him. When I did, he told me everything he remembered about the people he killed. Then he vamped out and tried to bite me, but he didn’t. One of his minions cut me, and he tasted my blood from that cut. When he did, he came back and remembered everything he’d done.

“Then he looked as horrified as he did that night in the bathroom.”

She looked at Giles.

“He went back to being fragile again. He ended up curled up in a corner, rocking back and forth. He looked like a scared kid, Giles, not a Master Vampire.

“After I got him back to my house, I decided to keep him there and get him better. That’s when he told me how much he hated himself. And he told me that he understood how much I’d hated myself the year before.”

“Did he ever tell you how he got the soul?” Giles asked.

“Sort of. He got kind of snippy, said he saw a man about a girl. Then he said he went to ‘seek out a legend’.”

“’Seek out a legend’?”

“That’s what he said. He said that he had to endure trials, pain and suffering. And at the end he got his soul back.”

“Fascinating. Did he say if it came with any conditions, or clauses, like Angel’s?”

“He didn’t say, but I don’t think so. I mean it was a reward, not a curse, right? And I’m pretty sure there was no happiness clause.”

“Oh, so you did renew y-your relationship?”

“Not that way, Giles. But that night after you guys made me leave the house, he found me. We talked and he held me while I slept. Then the next night he told me it was the best night of his life. That he’d never been close to anyone before then. So, if there was a happiness clause, I think that might have triggered it. Either that, or when I let him know that I considered him a champion.”

She smiled fondly remembering the look of astonishment on his face when she’d handed him the amulet.

“Okay, I think we’re getting ahead of ourselves. After he told you about how he got his soul, his trigger was still active. What happened after that?”

“Well, we had Andrew in the house, and the First triggered Spike to attack Andrew, so that’s when I chained him in the basement. When he came to he told me I had to stake him before he got loose and someone got killed.

“I swear, Giles, I have never met another vampire that tried to convince me to kill him as much as he did over the past year. Most vamps try to kill me to keep me from staking them; he kept trying to get me to stake him.”

She sighed.

“Thank God I never did.”

Giles looked straight ahead, but chose not to respond.

Buffy continued.

“I told him that I wasn’t going to stake him, that Xander had figured out he was being triggered and we’d figure everything out. He tried to goad me into staking him by telling me about his past and that the only reason I hadn’t killed him was because I needed men who hurt me. But I told him that he was still undead because I had seen him change, that he had become a better man, and that I believed in him.

“Then the Bringers attacked and took Spike, then you showed up with the Potentials and the First used Spike to open the seal and let that first Turok-Han thing out. And I had to kill it before I could find Spike, but somehow I knew that he was a key to fighting the First. Call it a Slayer thing, gut instinct, whatever, but I just knew that we needed him.

“And after we found him, he proved me right. He stepped right up and started helping me train the girls. He gave them something no other Slayer has had, not even me. A real vampire to train against. Even with Angel around, he didn’t really train with me, but Spike gave the girls someone with vampire speed, strength, and reflexes to test themselves against. He helped me make them better fighters.

“But, no matter what you, or anyone else, thought he never took the threat of the trigger lightly. He made his own decision that if he wasn’t with me he would be chained up. Or in his words, ‘Either I’m with you, or I’m on the leash.’ He knew that I wouldn’t let him hurt anyone, but he didn’t want to take any chances if I wasn’t around.

“I know that you thought that I made a rash decision when I had his chip removed, but I needed him strong and healthy and the chip was killing him. I knew I couldn’t leave it in, and I didn’t know what might happen to him if they put a new one in. If it was stronger, it might kill him if he was triggered. Or if the First managed to draft a human accomplice that I needed Spike’s help to fight, he wouldn’t be able to do it with a chip in his head. And I was right about that, I might add, Caleb was human.

“No matter what, I believed in him Giles. I still felt like it was important for him to be with us, not just because I wanted him around, but because we needed him around. He offered to leave, after Andrew said that the First said it wasn’t time for Spike yet, but I told him I wasn’t ready for him to go.

“And that’s why I couldn’t let you and Wood kill him. I trusted him and he trusted me. We needed him. I couldn’t let you two play divide and conquer. It was wrong. You wouldn’t even consider that he might actually have an important role to play in the battle. You both looked at him and you saw vampire, and nothing else. You refused to see trainer, warrior, helper, or defender.

“You accused me of letting my feelings cloud my judgment, but I think I was the one who was seeing most clearly. I was the only one who could see that he had actually changed. You were still seeing the same vampire who came to Sunnydale six years ago. And, I bet you were seeing Angelus, too.”

Giles looked down, somewhat embarrassed to admit that once again he had decided that he knew better than Buffy and had been proven wrong. While that had seldom happened in the past, it had, unfortunately, happened more than once in the past year.

He had been right earlier, Buffy had matured, he just hadn’t recognized how much until recently. Spike had been right, he had been somewhat jealous because Buffy had in some ways surpassed him. She made choices based on her instincts, instincts he had trained her to trust, and they had turned out more often than not this year to be correct. But he had second-guessed her repeatedly and nearly lost her trust for good.

Buffy had had faith in Spike and that faith had proven to be well founded, more than once. And clearly Spike had had faith in Buffy as well. They had managed to believe in each other and hold each other up when no one else had faith in either of them. And it was that faith in each other that had gotten them over the rough spots and allowed them to find a way to defeat the First.

“So, I told you that he got Xander out at the vineyard, but he also got me out. He made me retreat, he might have been the only one at that point, since I was being pretty stubborn about Caleb. But, he made sure we got out, more or less intact.

“Then he got me through that night after you guys made me leave the house. He told me that I was right,” she paused and smiled slightly, “told me he hit Faith a bunch of times and left”

Giles understood the smile. He knew that she and Faith had reached an understanding, but he also knew that Faith had come between Buffy and Angel and caused problems between Buffy and Riley. Spike was the only one of Buffy’s men who wasn’t blinded by Faith.

“Then we talked about alot of things, my calling, the war, the girls, and he told me that he loved me, that I was the one. Then before he could go, I asked him to stay, and hold me. So, he did. We just held each other while we slept. And the next day I felt strong enough to do what I needed to do. I went to the vineyard and I found the scythe.

“When Spike came home, I showed him the scythe and we talked about what happened between us. He told me he was glad I was home, and that the night before had been the best night of his life.

“Then later that night when I was fighting Caleb, Angel showed up and gave me the amulet and that file. He told me about the amulet and said he’d wear it. But I told him I needed him to go back to LA and set up a second front. He said okay, but wanted to know if the other reason was Spike, because he recognized his scent on me.

“He kept asking me questions, was Spike my boyfriend, did I love him, and told me he was confused because it was Spike. So, I told him about Spike’s soul and he got all pouty because he wasn’t the only one anymore and because he was getting the brush off for ‘captain peroxide’.

“I told him that Spike wasn’t my boyfriend, but that he was in my heart, of course Angel got a little shirty about that. Gotta say, I was starting to see a little ‘family’ resemblance.

And he started wanting to know if we might have a future, out of left field, since he’s the one who kept telling me we couldn’t have one.”

Giles raised an eyebrow at her use of the word ‘shirty‘, but said nothing.

“But, you know, he never once asked how Spike got his soul, where he got his soul, if his soul was permanent. Not one question.”

Giles pondered that. He decided that that was a question for another time, but it was an interesting one. Why wouldn’t Angel show an interest in how and where Spike was able to obtain his soul?

“I told Angel I didn’t know if we had a future or not, that I think about it, but I’m not ready to make a decision and sent him home. Then I went back to talk to Spike. He got all jealous and snarky. I was about ready to stake them both. But then he asked about the amulet. He had been in the tomb and overheard Angel tell me about it. And he decided that he should be the one to wear it.

“But when I told him it had to be worn by a champion, he backed down. Then when I put it in his hand, he looked totally amazed. He couldn’t believe that I considered him a champion.

“But that’s exactly what he was. And he proved it. He sacrificed himself, willingly, to save the world.”

She choked back a sob and looked at Giles with a shaky smile.

“He saved me. This time he saved me when it counted.”

She sat up and took a deep breath.

“He never stopped amazing me, Giles. He was my hero. He went against his nature so many times. He did things no vampire should ever be able to do. He allied himself with me to save the world when his own sire was trying to destroy it. When he found out he could hurt demons, he could have used that to dominate fledglings and force them to do his bidding until he could get the chip removed. But he didn’t. He helped us, most of the time. He endured hours of torture to protect Dawn. He stayed here for almost four months after I died to help you guys because he promised me he’d protect Dawn. He chose to go and fight for his soul. And he did all of it as a soulless demon. A supposedly evil, soulless thing.

“Then when he did get a soul and he wasn’t an ‘evil, soulless thing’ anymore, he went and gave up his life to save world.”

She leaned her head on Giles’ chest.

“I miss him so much, Giles.”

Giles stroked her hair.

“I know, Buffy, I know.”

A/N: To all B/S fans please keep in mind, this is written from Giles’ perspective and he would not overlook Spike’s faults, he would consider them typical of a vampire.

Chapter 5: The Nature of The Beast

Giles stayed in his study for just over a week, typing and polishing his manuscript. He finished his manuscript and e-mailed it to a non-human friend overseas who ran a small publishing house specializing in the occult.

Just over a month later a package arrived addressed to Giles. Inside were two dozen copies of his manuscript: The Nature of the Beast: An Addendum to the History of William the Bloody. The next morning, Giles called Buffy into his study and handed her a copy of the text. He then left her alone to read it and gave everyone else instructions to leave her alone until she was finished. The book was not terribly long, so he had no doubt that she would be able to finish it in short order.

Buffy settled herself into a comfortable chair with a Diet Coke, opened the book and began to read.

Prologue

Vampires are violent, aggressive demons completely devoid of human emotion.

Vampires are incapable of love.

Vampires do not feel guilt or shame.

Vampires do not experience remorse.

Vampires are single-minded in their pursuit of the satisfaction of their basest needs.

Vampires crave only blood, destruction, and sexual gratification.

Such is the nature of the beast. This is a well-established fact. It has been the rule since the beginning of recorded history. Of course, as with every rule, there is always an exception.

In this case, the exception is William the Bloody, known to many as Spike. The exploits of William the Bloody are well documented in the annals of Slayer/vampire history, but his story was far from complete.

But now the final chapters of William the Bloody’s story can be written. He met his fate in an extraordinary manner, thwarting an apocalypse.

The purpose of the text is to serve not only as an addendum to the history of William the Bloody, but also as an account of how the Master Vampire, Scourge of Europe, and Slayer of Slayers defied his nature and died fighting alongside Slayers instead of against them.

Chapter 1: Arriving on the Hellmouth

Following the mob attack in Prague which left his sire and mistress, Drusilla in a severely weakened state, William (henceforth referred to as Spike) maintained a very low profile until his arrival in Sunnydale in the fall of nineteen hundred and ninety-seven. His purpose in coming to Sunnydale was twofold. For one thing, he wished to kill the Slayer and add a third to his list of Slayers killed. He also hoped that being on the Hellmouth would restore Drusilla’s strength and decided to take over as Master of Sunnydale.

Although an attack against Ms. Summers (henceforth referred to as Buffy or the Slayer) had been planned for the night of the Feast of St. Vigious, Spike, in keeping with his impulsive nature, attacked several days early, on Parent’s Night at the local high school. He fought the Slayer and managed to overpower her, but did not kill her due to the intervention of her mother, Joyce Summers, who hit the Master Vampire over the head with an axe.

Although stunned by this unorthodox turn of events, Spike nonetheless refused to give up. He destroyed the then Master of Sunnydale, known as the Anointed One, and took over as Master.

He continued to attempt to kill the Slayer. On Halloween night, he took advantage of a chaos spell to go against tradition and go out on Halloween. The spell turned revelers into the characters whose costumes they inhabited. Unfortunately, the Slayer chose the costume of an eighteenth-century noblewoman. Once Spike located her, he was easily able to subdue her and would have killed her had the spell not been broken. However, Buffy recovered as soon as the spell was broken and overpowered Spike, but he managed to escape before she was able to slay him.

Shortly thereafter, Spike hired an infamous group of assassins known as The Order of Taraka to kill the Slayer. It was also during this time that two more very important pieces of information came to light. The first, extraordinary, bit of information was that during Buffy’s brief expiration the previous year, at the hands of the Master, another Slayer had been called. The second, more disturbing piece of information was that the cure for Drusilla’s malady had been discovered. These three events would soon collide in a calamity which would have long term, and ultimately, devastating consequences.

Kendra the Vampire Slayer was sent to Sunnydale when her Watcher sensed the presence of a great evil. She arrived in time to witness an altercation between Buffy and a Tarakan assassin. Angel was with Buffy at the time and apparently shifted into his demon’s visage during the fight. Kendra later captured Angel and locked him in a cage to await sunrise while she left to find Buffy whom she mistakenly believed to be a vampire as well.

At the same time, Spike discovered that the cure to Drusilla’s ailment was a ritual involving the blood of the sire, Angel. Naturally, Spike began searching for Angel in order to utilize his blood for the ritual. Angel’s imprisonment by Kendra allowed Spike to capture Angel for the ritual.

Although Kendra and Buffy were able to work together to release Angel and defeat Spike, they were unable to stop the ritual in time, or to slay Spike and Drusilla. As a result, Drusilla was restored to full strength while Spike was severely burned and paralyzed, confined to a wheelchair.

Chapter 2: The Return of Angelus

During Spike’s early convalescence, he and Drusilla again maintained a low profile, but several weeks later, Drusilla embarked on an ambitious plot to restore the dismembered body of the destroyer known as The Judge. Buffy discovered this plot on the evening of her seventeenth birthday. That night following an unsuccessful attempt to dispose of some of The Judge’s appendages, and a more successful escape from Spike and Drusilla and their minions, Buffy and Angel consummated their relationship. This most unfortunately resulted in the loss of Angel’s soul and the return of the Master Vampire, Angelus.

Angelus immediately returned to his “family” and was able to fully usurp Spike’s role as Master of Sunnydale, partly due to his own status as Master and partly due to Spike’s incapacitation. He took control of Spike’s minions and resumed his former physical relationship with Drusilla. He also, in keeping with his typical behavior, and despite Spike’s apparent protests, began a campaign of psychological warfare against the Slayer.

The result was, as Spike apparently predicted, a very angry Slayer. But not, as Angelus apparently hoped, a careless one. Angelus’ torment of both Buffy and Spike and his ultimate decision to arrange for the demon, Acathla, to suck the world into Hell inspired a resolve and determination in both the Slayer and the vampire to defeat him.

Spike’s decades of experience with both Angelus and Drusilla gave him the practical knowledge that allowed him to go against his very nature and seek out his mortal enemy, the Slayer, in order to form an alliance. They formed an uneasy truce in which Spike offered to help defeat Angelus and save the world from destruction in exchange for the opportunity to leave Sunnydale forever with Drusilla. Buffy agreed under the condition that her Watcher, who had been captured and tortured for information by Angelus and Drusilla, be spared. Spike agreed and prevented Angelus from killing the man after extracting the necessary information. Then when the time came, he aided Buffy in the fight, first by striking the first blow against Angelus, then by keeping Drusilla out of the fight. In the end Buffy was able to defeat Angelus and avert the apocalypse. Meanwhile, Spike left town with Drusilla as promised.

Chapter 3: A Promise Broken

The pair returned to their traditional behavior while in South America, but their relationship had been irretrievably damaged by the truce between the Slayer and vampire. Drusilla ultimately rejected Spike and he briefly returned to Sunnydale, a shell of his former self, with the apparent intention of killing the Slayer as promised and restoring himself in Drusilla’s eyes.

However, upon his arrival in Sunnydale he discovered that Willow Rosenberg, a friend of the Slayer’s had become an accomplished Wicca. He kidnapped her, along with an acquaintance of hers in order to force her to perform a love spell on Drusilla. Before the spell could be performed, Spike was forced into a confrontation with the minions of the current Master of Sunnydale Mr. Trick. He once again fought alongside the Slayer, only this time he also fought alongside Angel, who had returned a few weeks earlier with his soul intact. Following the fight, Spike decided to release his hostages and return to South America and prove to Drusilla that he was still as much a demon as ever.

Chapter 4: Returning Yet Again to Sunnydale

Apparently Spike’s efforts were not entirely successful for he returned to Sunnydale less than a year later, without Drusilla, seeking the legendary Gem of Amarra. His determination paid off and he was able to locate the gem. But once again, his impulsive nature was his downfall. He immediately sought out the Slayer in yet another attempt to kill her. However, during the fight, she was able to remove the ring from his finger, leaving him vulnerable once again. He managed to escape and attempted, unsuccessfully, to retrieve it from Angel, who had received it from Buffy.

Following the loss of the Gem of Amarra, Spike once again retuned to Sunnydale, seeking revenge against Buffy. He was unable to follow through with his plans due to the efforts of a covert military operation known as the Initiative. Spike was stunned by a taser gun and taken to a large underground facility where he was imprisoned and fed blood injected with sedatives. He was able to escape from the facility and quickly found his way to Buffy’s dorm room where he encountered and attacked her roommate, Ms. Rosenberg. He was unable to follow through on his attack because he suffered excruciating pain every time he attempted to bite her. He escaped from the room during an attempt by the Initiative to recover him.

Once he realized that he was unable to cause any kind of injury to anyone he approached the Slayer and her friends seeking assistance in exchange for information about the military group, which Buffy had also been fighting. He had very little information at the time, and was kept restrained most of the time. Although, a subsequent escape attempt proved that he did have a vague idea where the underground facility was located. During another near-apocalypse he discovered that he was able to cause harm to demons. Following this discovery, he chose to help the Slayer and her friends fight other demons for the opportunity to participate in any violent act and in exchange for monetary compensation. Pursuant to his decision, he was released and allowed to find his own residence.

At approximately the same time, Buffy became romantically involved with a member of the Initiative, named Riley Finn, and discovered that the pain which Spike suffered anytime he inflicted pain on anyone else was caused by a behavioral modification chip imbedded in his cerebral cortex. It emitted sharp electrical pulses to the pain centers of his brain whenever he attempted to harm a human. Unfortunately, the behavior modification software was only one of the experiments being performed within the walls of the underground laboratories of the Initiative. A much more sinister experiment was underway in the most heavily secured area of the facility. Maggie Walsh, the doctor in charge of the Initiative, had developed an extremely dangerous, completely amoral demon/human/robot hybrid soldier, optimistically named Adam. Dr. Walsh failed to foresee her creation’s desire to be independent and his complete lack of attachment to anyone, even to his “mother”. This lack of foresight resulted in Dr. Walsh’s demise at the hands of her own creation and his subsequent escape from the facility.

With access to all of the facilities records, Adam was aware of Spike’s modifications and identity as Hostile 17. It was not difficult for him to ascertain Spike’s relationship to the Slayer. He sought Spike out, requested his assistance and proposed an alliance. He would arrange for the removal of Spike’s behavior modification chip in exchange for help with his new demon/human hybrid army. Spike agreed and attempted to drive a wedge between the Slayer and her friends, believing that if she were isolated she would be easier to defeat. He used his knowledge of their weaknesses, insecurities, and past differences to sow seeds of dissidence, and very nearly succeeded. In the end, however, the Slayer and her friends were able to work together to defeat Adam. Meanwhile Adam turned against Spike for his failure to render the Slayer useless. Spike managed to escape his final death, yet again, and found his way to the room where the Slayer’s friends were engaged in the ritual that allowed her to defeat Adam. He arrived in time to prevent an escaped demon’s attack on the group, thus earning himself a reprieve from the consequences of his earlier actions.

Chapter 5: Becoming Allies

Over the next few months, Spike again settled into an uneasy truce with the Slayer and her friends. He occasionally provided information and assistance in exchange for financial compensation. Relations again became strained when he attempted to force a former Initiative doctor to remove the modification chip imbedded in his brain. However, following this incident, Spike began to exhibit a markedly noticeable change in his behavior. The first time an unusual behavior was noted was following an unfortunate demon-veiling spell performed by a friend of the Slayer’s. The young woman mistakenly believed herself to be part demon and was attempting to hide that aspect of herself. Unfortunately, she also hid all other demons from sight, just prior to an attack on the Magic Box (an establishment owned by Rupert Giles, Buffy’s former Watcher, and used as a training and research facility by the Slayer and her friends) by Lei-ach demons. Spike assisted in dispatching the demons and then used his behavior modification chip to prove that the young woman was fully human by hitting her. The pain he suffered proved that she was in no way demon.

Spike provided assistance more frequently, although his requests for financial compensation, especially from Buffy, decreased. Following a rather emotional confrontation with the Slayer, he allowed his impulsive nature to lead him to make yet another attempt on her life. However, upon his arrival at her home, he found her distraught over the discovery that her mother was seriously ill. In yet another display of his ability to defy the nature of the beast, he put aside his original intentions and displayed the very human emotion of sympathy, even attempting to provide a small measure of comfort to the young woman. This behavior continued for several months. Spike frequently showed up to provide assistance when needed. While he occasionally asked for compensation and continued to trade jibes with the Slayer, he never refused to help when asked, especially by Buffy, or on her behalf. He was even on hand to assist Buffy with a space-borne Queller demon. Soon after the Queller incident, Spike discovered that the Slayer’s suitor had become enamored with certain aspects of the darker side of Sunnydale and demon fighting, and was paying female vampires to feed from him. He brought the young man’s new past time to Buffy’s attention and Riley subsequently left town and rejoined the military.

Spike extended his protective tendencies toward Buffy to her family, as well. He watched over her mother and sister at a time when Buffy felt that they were threatened and she was unable to be with them herself. He did request some compensation, but did not put up even token resistance to the request. Another attempt to supervise Buffy’s sister ended rather badly when Dawn snuck out of the house and Spike followed her in order to protect her from demons and other vampires. Unfortunately, he agreed to help her break into the Magic Box where they discovered information explaining Dawn’s role as the Key. This led to Dawn’s decision to run away and her subsequent capture by the Hellgod, Glorificus. Spike did, however, agree to help locate the girl and fought, although unsuccessfully, against the Hellgod.

It was shortly after this event that Spike’s true intentions were revealed. Apparently Spike had developed feelings of an affectionate nature for Buffy which he classified as love. His initial revelation of his feelings was met with rejection and he responded in typical vampiric fashion. With the aid of his recently returned sire, he knocked Buffy unconscious, chained her to a wall and confessed his true feelings for her. He then offered to kill Drusilla, whom he had also tied up, as proof of the depth of his feelings. He then threatened to free Drusilla and allow her to kill Buffy unless Buffy returned his feelings. Yet, once again he defied his nature and fought with the Slayer rather than against her when Drusilla managed to slip her bonds while Spike was distracted. She immediately attempted to attack Buffy who was still in chains and unable to fight effectively. Spike subdued his own attacker, stopped Drusilla, and released Buffy. He had damaged the fragile alliance that he had built with Buffy and she rejected him once more, this time revoking his invitation to her home as well. But, also against his nature, rather than seeking revenge against her or her friends, he accepted her decision. He made a few brief attempts to contact her in public and through her friends, but quickly gave up and once again maintained a low profile. Even following the death of her mother, whom he also considered a friend, he visited Mrs. Summers’ grave, but stayed away from Buffy and her home.

Apparently the forced separation was too much for him though, and he made a rather unwise decision. He contacted a local robotics genius and commissioned him to create a robot in Buffy’s likeness with specific Slayer-related programming. As a direct result, minions of the Hellgod, Glorificus, who had been observing the Slayer’s friends, mistook Spike for the Key and captured him. Glory recognized Spike as a vampire, but correctly assumed that he must have knowledge of the Key and it’s whereabouts. He withstood several hours of rigorous torture, but steadfastly refused to reveal any information about the Key. He finally managed to escape at the same time that Buffy, her Watcher, her friends, and the robot arrived at the Hellgod’s lair. The severity of Spike’s injuries initially prevented coherent speech, although Buffy was eventually able to ascertain, in the guise of the robot, that he had indeed, refused to reveal any information about the Key to the Hellgod. As a result, a truce, this one stronger than before, was again established between the Slayer and the vampire.

Shortly afterward the battle with Glory began in earnest. The Hellgod attacked a friend of the Slayer’s. Buffy took Dawn to Spike for safekeeping while she provided emotional support to her friends. Spike managed to convince the Slayer that her friend, Willow Rosenberg, would attempt to attack the Hellgod in revenge for attacking Ms Rosenberg’s girlfriend, Tara Maclay. Buffy was able to stop Ms. Rosenberg before she was seriously injured or killed, but her attack angered Glory, and ultimately, her attack resulted in Glory learning the identity of the Key. Buffy resolved to take Dawn and her friends and attempt to escape from Glory. To accomplish this, she enlisted Spike’s help, as much for his strength and skills, as for his determination to protect both her and Dawn.

During the unsuccessful escape attempt, several members of the party, including Buffy’s Watcher, were wounded, by the Knights of Byzantium who were seeking to destroy the Key. Buffy summoned a young intern she had met during her mother’s illness to provide medical assistance. However, she was unaware that the intern whom she had summoned was in fact Glory’s human host. This event resulted in Glory’s abduction of Dawn and Buffy’s incapacitating catatonia. The remaining members of the party were rendered unaware of the intern’s metamorphosis into Glory. Everyone, except Spike who was able to remember and to remind everyone as frequently as necessary.

He returned to the Hellgod’s lair to ascertain whether she, or her human host, had left behind any clues to their whereabouts, but found nothing. Then he escorted Alexander Harris, a friend of the Slayer’s, to the home of a demon to request information about Glory. While there, they were able to secure a box containing information pertaining to the ritual Glory was required to perform in order to return to her own dimension. After fighting with, and stabbing, the demon, they returned to the Magic Box with the information. Upon their return they discovered that Willow had managed to revive Buffy and the Slayer and her friends held a council of war to formulate a battle plan.

As it turned out, Spike’s decision to commission a robot designed to resemble the Slayer was actually quite fortuitous. Willow was able to repair the damage the robot had sustained during the earlier skirmish with Glory’s minions. Thus the Slayer was able to utilize the robot as a diversionary tactic during the final battle.

The battle with Glory was horrific and hard fought to the end. Buffy was able to drive Glory back into her human host who was summarily dispatched by her Watcher. Unfortunately, the demon, believed vanquished by Spike and Xander, was still alive and managed to make his way to Dawn. Spike managed, with the assistance of Willow and Tara, to reach Dawn’s side and attempted to render aid. However, he was overcome by the demon and thrown from the tower on which the ritual was to be performed. Afterward, the ritual was completed and the Slayer was forced to sacrifice herself in order to reseal the dimensional portals.



Chapter 6: The Slayer Resurrected

Following Buffy’s death, Spike was devastated, virtually inconsolable. However, prior to the final battle, Spike had promised Buffy that he would protect Dawn. So, after her death he stayed to watch over Dawn and help Buffy’s Watcher and friends continue patrolling the Hellmouth. His robot was once again repaired and put to use, this time as the Slayer. Spike, however, showed nothing but distaste for the object.

Then, unbeknownst to Spike, Dawn, or Rupert Giles, Buffy’s other friends took it upon themselves to resurrect her, mistakenly believing that she had been banished to a Hell dimension. Upon her return she confided in Spike that she had in actuality been in Heaven. She requested, and received, his secrecy on the matter.

In an attempt to help her adjust to her new status, and in light of her unwillingness to inform the others, Spike chose to support her as surreptitiously as possible. Whereas before her return he had been an ever present member of the group, going on patrol, staying with Dawn, helping out as needed, he quickly vanished into the woodwork, appearing only if, and when Buffy needed his support or company. He generally sought her out when she was alone or waited for her to seek him out at his residence. He maintained his distance from the Slayer’s friends unless they sought him out, until her sister was kidnapped by a demon who wished to make her his bride. This demon also forced the citizens of Sunnydale, demons included, to reveal their true feelings through song. As a result of this demon’s interference a number of secrets were revealed, including the truth about Buffy’s whereabouts during her death, and Spike’s continued desire to pursue a physical relationship with Buffy.

The fallout from this incident proved both dramatic and far-reaching for everyone involved. For Spike however, it resulted in a serious quandary. His services were no longer required as Dawn’s guardian, so he no longer needed to be heroic. His position as Buffy’s confidante now eradicated by her confession, he no longer needed to be discreet and polite. His company and help were no longer sought by the Slayer or any of her friends. He no longer had the ability, or even the desire, to wreak the sort of havoc that he had reveled in before, but he also realized that no one believed that he had actually become one of the “good guys”. Not a “real” demon, yet not a man, he was caught between two worlds, but not really part of either. He had acquaintances in both the demon and human populations, but again was not truly close to anyone. He attempted to be a part of both worlds, but only succeeded in isolating himself further from both.

His love for Buffy and his desire for a connection led him to a misguided attempt to bring Buffy into his world. He saw them as the same, for the Slayer, though human, does not belong fully to the human world, and is usually alone. After realizing that he would never be fully accepted by those dwelling in the light, Spike attempted to draw Buffy further into the dark with him. Buffy, for her part felt isolated from her friends by their decision to pull her from Heaven and allowed herself to be pulled into the shadows. They entered into an ill-advised, secret, and highly dysfunctional physical relationship that satisfied certain needs for both parties, but ultimately left both unfulfilled and unhappy.

Spike for his part, did attempt to provide an outlet for Buffy’s anger and aggression, allowing her to unleash her anger and frustration on him, both verbally and physically. He even allowed her to beat him nearly as severely as Glorificus on one occasion when she was extraordinarily angry with herself and her circumstances. Nor was she the only person he tried to help during this dark time. He also identified with her friend Willow and her struggles against the dark pull of magic and often supported and defended her during difficult times.

But these attempts at helping the Slayer and her friends were tempered by his inability to completely deny his demon’s nature. He continued to associate with rather unseemly members of the demon population and on at least one occasion, for undetermined reasons, he boarded the eggs of an extremely dangerous demon in his bedroom. The eggs were discovered by the Slayer and her former Initiative suitor, who was in Sunnydale in pursuit of the demon and its spawn. The eggs were summarily destroyed and Buffy terminated the physical relationship following this incident, although neither completely severed ties.

As a result, Spike never completely gave up hope of reconciliation. His hopes suffered a severe blow, however, when Buffy accused him of spying on her. He ended up seeking solace with another former member of the Slayer’s inner circle, a vengeance demon. The fallout from this indiscretion led to a confrontation between Buffy and Spike in which emotions ran high on both sides and eventually ended with Spike attempting to force himself on Buffy. While she was able to stop him, both were utterly horrified at what had occurred.

Spike immediately set out upon a quest to ensure that he would never again attempt anything of that nature. He traveled around the world to seek out a legend, a demon that would grant his request. He endured untold trials, pain and suffering in order to prove himself worthy of his request. At the end of his trials he received his reward, his soul

.

Chapter 7: The Price of a Soul

As Spike’s soul was a reward, as he was deemed a worthy recipient, rather than a curse cast upon the unwilling, it came with no loopholes or clauses which would place him in danger of losing it through his own actions. However, he was not immune to the shame, guilt, and self-loathing that comes with receiving a soul after more than a century of bloodshed. He also became the target of a sinister force known as the First Evil. The First took great pleasure in assuming the form of deceased persons and taunting Spike with his perceived inadequacies. This coupled with the guilt and shame his soul brought him served to drive him quite insane upon his return to Sunnydale where he immediately took up residence directly upon the Hellmouth. Even in his altered state, he did manage to provide some assistance to Buffy and her friends soon after the opening of the new high school. Fortunately, Buffy was able to move him from the Hellmouth and into a friend’s apartment. Soon afterward they discovered that Spike was apparently feeding, and siring vampires, again, although no one had realized that his behavior modification chip had stopped functioning. Once Spike was able to piece together enough memories of what had happened, they were able to determine that the First Evil had planted a trigger in Spike’s mind to circumvent the chip and subdue his soul to allow the demon to kill and sire his victims.

Shortly after this discovery, Spike was captured by the harbingers of the First. His blood was used to open the Seal of Danzathar and release the first Turok-Han. Afterward, he was held captive by the First under the supervision of the harbingers and the Turok-Han and tortured by them until Buffy was able to locate and release him.

Once he recovered, Spike began helping Buffy train potential Slayers. Between them, they were able to provide the potentials with an invaluable training method no other Slayer in training had ever had; an opportunity to train with both a living Slayer and a real vampire, who were not only able to demonstrate proper fighting techniques, but against whom they could test themselves. More often than not the girls failed in their skirmishes with Spike, but since their failures never resulted in death, they were able to learn from their mistakes and correct them.

During this time Spike’s behavior modification chip malfunctioned, leading to intense pain and severe nosebleeds. Buffy was alone with him at the time and had to choose which course of action to take. She contacted her former companion who sent military personnel to deal with the situation. He gave them orders to replace or remove the chip per the Slayer’s wishes. Buffy chose to have the chip removed. She believed that Spike had proven himself trustworthy and that his soul would keep the demon at bay. She and Spike also believed that Buffy would be able to subdue Spike should the First attempt to trigger him again.

However, following the removal of the behavior modification chip, Spike’s trigger remained inactive until Buffy’s Watcher attempted to discover the source of the trigger using the Prokaryote Stone. Giles insisted that Spike, Buffy, and her inner circle, including her current employer, and son of a deceased Slayer, Robin Wood, be present at the ritual. They discovered that the source of the trigger had been a favorite song of William’s mother, before he was sired. Pursuant to their discovery, Robin Wood and Rupert Giles agreed that Spike was still an instrument of evil and a danger to everyone as long as the trigger was still active. They further agreed that since Buffy was allowing her emotions to cloud her judgment that they would have to make the necessary difficult choice for her. They formulated a plan in which Giles would distract Buffy and keep her occupied while Robin subdued and destroyed Spike.

They followed the plan, Giles took Buffy on patrol and kept her distracted while Wood insisted that Spike accompany him to what turned out to be a cross-filled garage. Wood explained that he was the son of the second Slayer Spike had killed and then used his computer to play the song that triggered Spike’s demon. However, during the fight, Spike’s memory of his own mother and the choices he made returned to him. Apparently, once he became a vampire he chose to sire his mother out of a rather misguided sense of love and loyalty. But in doing so he released a demon that hurt him terribly in his mother’s guise, setting up the painful memories that left him vulnerable to the First’s trigger. Following the epiphany in Wood’s garage, Spike remembered the truth about his relationship with his mother and managed to free himself from the effects of the trigger. He walked away from the fight leaving both himself and Wood injured, but neither mortally wounded.

After this unfortunate incident, neither Spike nor Buffy felt very comfortable, or trusting, around anyone but each other for quite some time. This was further compounded by an incident following a severe defeat that left everyone feeling downtrodden and exhausted, which led to a severe backlash against Buffy when she suggested returning to the same place for another mission. Spike was away on another mission and the other members of the group refused to support Buffy’s choices and removed her as leader, then asked her to leave the house. Upon his return, Spike took great exception to this and also left in search of Buffy. But his encouragement of her gave her the will to follow through with her plans and she found a weapon forged in secret for only a Slayer to wield.

The trust and comfort that they found in each other gave them both the fortitude to face the coming battle. While Buffy formed an army of Slayers, Spike took on the role of champion. Buffy had received a powerful and mysterious amulet from Angel that was to be worn only by a champion, someone with a soul, but more than human. Angel proposed to wear it, but Buffy asked him to set up a second front in Los Angeles. She then gave the amulet to Spike making certain he understood that she believed him to be a champion.

During the final battle with the First Evil, Spike became a channel for the light, his soul giving him the ability to focus the light against the forces of darkness, turning the Turok-Han to dust and causing the Hellmouth to collapse in upon itself. The surviving Slayers were able to escape before the Hellmouth completely collapsed. Spike refused to abandon his post. After the Slayers and Buffy’s inner circle managed to escape the destruction of the Hellmouth, all that was left of Sunnydale was an enormous crater. Spike had ensured that the Hellmouth was permanently and irrevocably sealed.

Chapter 8: Epilogue

Spike always considered himself a rebel. He was certainly always the exception to the rule. But in the end, he was a true champion. He was a demon who sacrificed himself unselfishly to save the world. He went against his nature so many times that he became a vampire who died a hero in the eyes of a Slayer.

Buffy closed the book and set it down. She leaned her head back and let the tears fall silently. She was very touched by Giles’ book. He hadn’t softened Spike’s history. But neither had he filled it with the anger she had seen in him last year. He had written a fair history, but she could see where he had slanted it somewhat in Spike’s favor, probably as a consideration to her, but possibly because he too had finally realized that Spike had changed, become a better man. She hoped that was the case.

She wiped her eyes and left the study. As she passed Willow in the hallway, she smiled a watery smile and told her she was going for a walk as she headed out the front door.

Willow watched Buffy leave with mild concern, but she hadn’t seemed terribly upset, just a little bit sad. She walked into the study and saw the book lying on the table. She picked it up and looked at the title.

“Ah, well, let’s see what Giles wrote.”

She took the book to her room and began to read.

Chapter 6: Readings and Reactions

Willow finished reading the text about half an hour after she went up to her room. Kennedy came upstairs a few minutes later. She and Faith had been training with some of the newer Slayers.

“What are you reading, hon?”

Willow looked at Kennedy with a slightly dazed look.

“Hmm?”

Kennedy looked at Willow with an amused smile.

“What are you reading?”

“Oh. It’s Spike’s history since he showed up in Sunnydale when we were in high school.”

“What? Where’d you get that?”

“Buffy was reading it. Giles wrote it. I guess that’s what he was doing earlier this summer.”

Kennedy looked thoughtful for a moment.

“Could I read it? I mean I’ve always wondered how he ended up with a soul and why she trusted him so much. And why you guys even let him near you in the first place, so...”

Willow shrugged and handed it to her.

“You’re a Slayer, now, I guess you have the right to know.”

Kennedy took the book downstairs with her and was going into the training room when Buffy came back in. She saw the book in Kennedy’s hand.

“Where did you get that?”

“Uh, Willow gave it to me. She was reading it. She said that you were reading it, but I thought you were done. Could I read it?”

Buffy nodded.

“There are other copies. Could I have that one back? I know it seems silly, but that’s the one that Giles gave me, and it kind of feels like mine...”

Kennedy smiled; she and Buffy had reached a better understanding after the battle on the Hellmouth.

“Sure, where are the other ones?”

****************************

An hour later, Kennedy was handing the book to Vi. Rona saw the book and wanted to know if they had any more copies. Kennedy showed her the other copies. Within minutes all of the Slayers who had been with Spike when he had sacrificed himself were clamoring for a copy of the book. The first to grab copies were those who had trained with him in the early days of the battle with the First Evil.

By nightfall the house was abuzz with Slayers talking about Spike.

Xander, Dawn, and Faith all finally managed to get their hands on copies of the book for themselves.

By the time Dawn finished, she was in tears. She sought out Buffy in her room, where she sat talking quietly with Willow.

“Buffy, I’m so sorry. You really loved him, didn’t you?”

Buffy nodded tears in her eyes.

“Yeah, I really did.”

Dawn sat down.

“You know, when you were gone, he was really great. He used to play cards with me all the time. And he was never too busy to talk to me, or listen to me talk.”

She sighed. “I’m glad that I had that time with him. I’m just sorry that things got so messed up. I mean I wasn’t still threatening to set him on fire or anything at the end, but we weren’t exactly friends again, either. I wish we had been.”

Willow smiled. “Yeah, me too. Spike and I were never quite as close as you guys were, but we got along well during that summer. Oh, and, okay, weird but he was really nice when he was trying to bite me after he first got the chip. And I’ll never forget when he punched Tara. That was a great moment.”

Buffy smiled and talked and cried with her sister and her best friend until she could barely keep her eyes open. Willow and Dawn left her alone to sleep.

Dawn went to bed as well, while Willow went downstairs. She noticed a shadow outside on the back porch.

“Xander, are you okay?”

“Yeah, just thinking.”

Willow nodded and started to turn away.

“I didn’t hate him you know.”

“What?”

“Spike, I didn’t hate him. I mean...I did, before. But this past year, not so much. After he moved in with me I started to see it. He wasn’t the same. For one thing he was quieter. And when I insulted him, he either ignored me, or agreed with me. It wasn’t that we stopped fighting. He stopped fighting and it’s kind of hard to fight with someone who doesn’t fight back.”

He shrugged.

“Maybe that’s why I could figure out the trigger thing so fast. He had stopped fighting, so even though part of me wanted to believe he’d gone evil again, because been there, done that, it didn’t fit with what I’d seen, you know. Then there was the whole thing with Spike being the one saying ‘I’m evil, stake me, I’m going to kill somebody’, not me. It kind of makes it hard for me to feel all self-righteous when he’s the one saying it.”

He gave her a sad, kind of lopsided smile.

“But, I guess I saw what Buffy saw, Spike changed. And yeah, he changed for Buffy, only then he sort of decided that he didn’t deserve her, so he stopped chasing after her. I don’t know.”

He sighed.

“I guess seeing it all there in black and white, all the stuff he did. I mean he pulled alot of crap, tried to kill us a bunch of times, hurt Buffy alot, but he saved us, all of us, twice as many times as he tried to kill us. And he helped us save the world three or four times even before he got his soul. It just got me thinking about all of the stuff I said to Buffy about him. And some of the stuff I said to Anya.”

He looked at the ground.

“He may have been undead, and he wasn’t perfect, but he wasn’t evil. Not a real nice guy, but not a real bad guy either. I just kept seeing the guy who tried to kill us on Parent’s Night and then I’d see Angelus sneering at me while he was holding you by the throat and I couldn’t let go of the image of Spike as the evil undead. It wasn’t fair to Buffy.”

“You know, I’m not really the one you should be telling this to.”

“I know, but I don’t know how to tell her.”

“Consider her told.” Came a voice from the doorway.

They turned around to see Buffy standing in the doorway. She smiled softly.

“I got thirsty. Thank you, Xander. It means alot to me to hear you say that.”

She walked to him and gave him a light kiss on the cheek.

Then she returned to the house and went up to bed.

Willow and Xander exchanged a smile and a hug before heading to their own rooms, as well.

**************************

Faith finished reading her copy of the book and thought about Robin. She knew that he still thought that he had been right to try and kill Spike when he was under the First’s trigger, that Buffy hadn’t been seeing Spike clearly. Faith had always thought that Buffy saw Spike more clearly than the people around her.

Now after reading this, she was more convinced than ever that Buffy had been right about Spike. She put her copy of the book next to her bed. She didn’t know if Robin would want to read it or not, but she’d offer him the chance.

****************************

By the next afternoon, everyone who lived in the large house that Giles had secured for them had read the book, and there was no other topic of conversation.

“Did you really train with him? What was he like?”

“Mmm, girl, he was hot.”

“Oh, and you should have seen him and Buffy together. They were like so..”

“Hot.”

“But not just that, they were like this great team. They knew each other’s moves and could anticipate what the other one was going to do. And the level of trust they had was like...amazing.”

“Do you know who it was that he punched, you know to prove she was human?”

Kennedy answered that question.

“Yeah, it was Tara, Willow’s ex-girlfriend. She told me the story last night. She’s really proud of him for that.”

By the time Buffy and Faith gathered everyone for patrol that night the girls were full of questions for Buffy.

“What was he like?”

“Are there other vampire like him?”

“How come other vampires don’t get their souls back?”

Buffy and Faith laughed as they held up their hands for silence.

Buffy shook her head.

“How many of you read the prologue of Giles’ book?”

Everyone raised their hands.

“Okay, then you have answers to all of your questions. Except, what was he like? He was like what you read in the book, and he was sharp, and snarky, and funny, and smart. And he could be cruel and cold, hurtful and vicious. He could also be gentle, loving, generous, supportive, and sweet. He loved Manchester United, The Sex Pistols, Passions, and the flowering onion.”

“And you” Faith smirked at her.

She smiled and nodded, “And me”.

“Now,” she said in a firm businesslike voice, “anymore questions, or can we start patrol?”

Everyone nodded and they headed out.

**********************************

After patrol that night, Buffy stopped in the kitchen to grab a snack before bed. She found Giles getting his own bedtime snack.

“Well, your book was a rousing success. Of course, you’ve set them up; they’re going to think that all research is this easy.”

She smiled at him.

“Thank you. It’s been really good. Being able to talk about him, grieve for him with my friends. I needed that.”

Giles returned the smile.

“You’re welcome.”

He put his dishes in the dishwasher before leaving the kitchen.

“Oh, one more thing, Buffy. I sent a copy of the manuscript to Wesley in LA.”

“Why?”

“Well, I thought, he’s a former Watcher, and with Angel and Spike being family, so to speak, Angel might want to know what happened eventually. I thought that it might prove interesting, even useful for Wesley and Angel.”

Buffy cocked her head at Giles, then nodded.

*******************************

About two weeks later Wes opened his mail to discover that his mail was still being forwarded from the old address. Then he noticed a small package with a postmark from Cleveland.

He opened it and found the small book with a title and an author, both of which he recognized. He picked up the book and began reading.

Less than an hour later, he was done. He sat for a moment, contemplating his choices.

Finally, reaching a decision, he reached for the phone and dialed the interoffice extension.

“Spike, could you come to my office? I’ve just received some interesting research materials that I think you may need to see.”

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