The One Who Doesn’t Leave

Disclaimer: Joss owns Spike, Buffy, all her friends, and the dialogue.

Spoilers: the finale

A/N: This is purely subjective. My opinion only. I don’t claim to know the inner workings of Joss’s mind.

“Buffy!”

I hear Spike’s voice calling my name. I turn to see what he needs and see him surrounded by...sunlight?

Oh my God! He’ll be dusted!

“Spike!”

I run to him. Then I realize that all of the ubervamps are being dusted by the sunlight that I see isn’t just surrounding Spike, but shining from the amulet on Spike’s chest. Spike is still undusty.

I hear Faith yell to everyone to get out, but I have to get to Spike.

The girls start running out, but it’s not chaos. They’re retreating, not panicking. They really are Slayers.

I finally reach Spike. I’m amazed that he’s still undusty.

“I can feel it, Buffy.”

“What?”

“My soul. It’s really there. Kinda stings.”

I look away briefly to make sure all of the girls are getting out.

I’m pretty sure all of the girls are out now. We’re at the end of the line.

“Go on then.”

“No, you’ve done enough. You can still..”

“No, you’ve beat them back. It’s for me to do the clean up.”

We both turn to look as a large section of the cavern ceiling collapses near us. I hear Faith call for me to come on.

“Gotta move, lamb. Think it’s safe to say, school’s out for bloody summer.”

He looks around as if he’s trying to decide which view he likes the best.

“Spike!”

“I mean it! I’ve gotta do this.”

He turns slightly away from me and puts his hands out, clearly not budging.

I put my hand to his and intertwine my fingers with his. He looks at me, stunned. Flames burst from our joined fingers, but it doesn’t hurt.

In fact, all I feel is warmth and love. I feel tears forming in my eyes.

I don’t want it to end like this. I’m still not ready for him to not be here. But, I guess I don’t have a choice anymore. That’s what being a champion is all about. Making the hard choices, the big sacrifices, the ones other people shouldn’t have to make.

I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes. There’s so much I want to tell him. How much his loyalty has meant to me. How much his strength has done for me. How much comfort I’ve found in his arms.

Because of him, I’ve finally found the strength to let Angel go. I wasn’t ready to move from Angel to Spike, and I may not have been ready to call Spike my boyfriend, but he was the one who finally broke down that wall I had around my heart. Once I let him in, I was able to let Angel go.

He is definitely in my heart, and what started out as feelings for him has turned into...

“I love you.”

He stares at me with that thoughtful look he gets. The one that drives me crazy. The look he gets right before he says something I don’t want to hear.

“No. You don’t...”

“But thanks for saying it.”

I get it. He’s not turning me away; he’s letting me go. He’s giving me a chance to live that life that Willow’s magic has created for me.

His grip on my hand loosens and I release his hand. The flames go out immediately.

“Now go!”

I look at him one more time. I want to remember his beautiful face.

Then I run.

Fast.

I have to hurry. If I don’t get out of here, it’s all for nothing.

I run along the rooftops. I can see the bus ahead of me; the buildings and streets, everything else is collapsing around me. Faster. Faster.

Finally, I see the bus and jump. I land on the top and grab on, holding on for dear life.

I watch as Sunnydale collapses in on itself, sealing the Hellmouth it was built on.

The bus slams to a stop.

I jump down and Dawn leaps out of the back door to hug me.

Giles climbs out behind her and looks at the destruction.

“I don’t understand. What did this?”

“Spike”

That’s all I can say. I have to walk away. Things are good between us right now. If I say anything right now, it might come out too harsh or sounding too much like I told you so. So I don’t say anything and keep the peace.

I walk away from the bus and stand where I can see the crater that used to be Sunnydale. Somewhere out there is Spike, or Spike’s ashes. I’m not sure what happened at the end. He didn’t turn dusty when the ubervamps did, so maybe he didn’t dust. But, he was surrounded, consumed with fire and light. I’m sure he’s dust.

I can’t seem to take my eyes off the crater that is now Spike’s grave. I can hear my friends talking. I tune alot of it out, but I pick up a few phrases here and there.

I hear Faith say that the Hellmouth is closed for business, then Giles tells her that there’s another one in Cleveland.

I glance over at him.

Xander says we saved the world, then Willow says we changed it.

“I can feel them, Buffy. All over. Slayers are awakening everywhere.”

I look over at her.

Dawn says we’ll have to find them and Giles tells her we will and makes some snarky comment about the mall being in Sunnydale so we can’t go there tomorrow.

Dawn, Xander, Giles, and Faith all chime in with their own comments on the mall and their plans for tomorrow, I’m not ready to think about tomorrow, yet.

Then I realize that Willow is talking to me.

“The First is scrunched. So, what do you think we should do Buffy?”

Then I hear Faith say, “Yeah, you’re not the one and only Chosen anymore. You just gotta live like a person. How’s that feel?”

So that I could have the chance to live like a person.

He let me go so that I could have the chance at that “normal” life I’ve always wanted.

Dawn’s voice breaks into my thoughts.

“Yeah, Buffy, what are we gonna do now?”

I can’t help the smile that spreads across my face.

I’m surrounded by my family, friends, and my “sister Slayers“, because of his gift.

Because he wouldn’t leave.

No matter what spell Willow cast, no matter how hard we fought, without Spike’s sacrifice, none of it would have mattered. We wouldn’t be standing here now wondering what to do.

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